[Storms] 026 - Never Said...
Dec. 18th, 2007 04:46 pm"I have a confession to make..." Rose started out slow as she crossed the room of Torchwood. "I've always..."
Pressing her fingers to her temple she exhaled rather loudly, "It's rubbish! I can't say it. I mean... I know it yeah? Can't find the words. It's like..." Rose gestured wildly with her hands, letting them wave in the air before her, unsure of even how to signal that she was at a loss for those words.
A quick breath in and she turned around again starting the phrase over once more, "I've always..." Rose let her mouth quirk up in the corners, her ankle rocking in her shoe until it nearly hit the floor of the compound on an odd angle. Shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans she puffed a piece of her hair out of her face and let out another sound of frustration.
"So what if I just... don't do it, yeah? I mean... what's the worst that can happen? Nothin' really. I mean, figure I keep it inside all this time already? What's a few bit more... in the long of it all."
"Rose... it's unhealthy. Bottlin' it up all inside like that. It's a toxin keepin' things like that inside."
Rose rolled her eyes, "Oh says you... Mister I've-Always-Had-a-Thing-for Rose! What of it makes you think you can say always when I've been here just a year now? That's not always."
Connor just laughed at her, that smarmy laugh that at times reminded her of someone else... someone she'd not thought of for a while. The stupid team building exercise was wearing on her a bit. She'd done the trust fall, though Connor swore he was just getting a better grip, his palm on her bum wasn't really appreciated. She'd filled out the warm fuzzy slips of paper, giving all the positive notes to the rest of them. But this was giving her issue. This one thing was making her head spin around because she knew what she'd always known...
Of course she'd barely been able to admit it to herself, let alone the room full of people, team mates or not.
"Come on Rose, out with it, you'll feel better!"
Laughing Rose shot Mickey a look. Mickey of all people should know she wouldn't feel better about any of it letting it out there. Maybe Mickey of all people might've even known what it was that was eating away at her. Mickey who'd confessed to something small, insignificant really when she thought about it. Hell the whole lot of London knew what he'd been fancying lately, and even back home half the girls at school did. Confessing that was like nothing in Rose's mind.
"Sorry... I- I can't do this," Rose finally admitted as she headed for the lift to exit the building and get some air. Her finger pressed to the button shutting the doors but a hand shot out stopping them from shutting fully. Staring at her feet for the moment Rose let her gaze raise up to meet Connor straight in the eye. She'd never noticed they were so pale, that light green that for the longest time she'd assumed was blue.
The doors to the lift shut behind him as he leaned against the back rail, Rose still standing steady in the middle of the floor. She could feel him staring at her, probably the back of her head most of the time, but she was sure his gaze drifted before she tugged her jacket down to cover what she could of her rear.
"I'm sorry..."
Glancing over her shoulder as she twisted around she raised an eyebrow, "Sorry?" Rose eyed him and then laughed, "Oh you're not sorry... not in the least."
"Yeah, you're right I'm not sorry, but still doesn't excuse you from not playin' along."
Rose pulled her tongue between her teeth as her gaze steeled staring at the doors to the lift, praying they'd open sometime soon. Finally she pressed her finger to the hold button and turned around on the toe of her foot, "Maybe it doesn't, it also doesn't give anyone the right to hear something I can't even tell myself with good faith. Sayin' it out loud... makes it true, and I can't think that way. I can't let myself think that it's really true because... because if it's true then I'll never be really happy again, and I can't live my life waiting for that miracle that'll never come, making me unhappy... because I'm not out there. I can't live thinking it'll happen because I have to move on... I have to know that this that right now? This is my life now... not some fantasy of adventure and worlds.. God worlds you'd never even dream of."
Then Connor moved forward and kissed her. It wasn't unexpected really, Rose figured he'd had a reason to be in the lift, and what else would it've been than to try and shut her up, or feel her up... either or. But still his mouth was on hers and she couldn't help but feel her cheeks flush and her body warm a bit. But then he was pushing away from her and pressing the lift hold button once more letting the whirring sound of the motor spin up again.
"Didn't give me the right to do that either Rose... but I still did."
Pressing her fingers to her temple she exhaled rather loudly, "It's rubbish! I can't say it. I mean... I know it yeah? Can't find the words. It's like..." Rose gestured wildly with her hands, letting them wave in the air before her, unsure of even how to signal that she was at a loss for those words.
A quick breath in and she turned around again starting the phrase over once more, "I've always..." Rose let her mouth quirk up in the corners, her ankle rocking in her shoe until it nearly hit the floor of the compound on an odd angle. Shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans she puffed a piece of her hair out of her face and let out another sound of frustration.
"So what if I just... don't do it, yeah? I mean... what's the worst that can happen? Nothin' really. I mean, figure I keep it inside all this time already? What's a few bit more... in the long of it all."
"Rose... it's unhealthy. Bottlin' it up all inside like that. It's a toxin keepin' things like that inside."
Rose rolled her eyes, "Oh says you... Mister I've-Always-Had-a-Thing-for Rose! What of it makes you think you can say always when I've been here just a year now? That's not always."
Connor just laughed at her, that smarmy laugh that at times reminded her of someone else... someone she'd not thought of for a while. The stupid team building exercise was wearing on her a bit. She'd done the trust fall, though Connor swore he was just getting a better grip, his palm on her bum wasn't really appreciated. She'd filled out the warm fuzzy slips of paper, giving all the positive notes to the rest of them. But this was giving her issue. This one thing was making her head spin around because she knew what she'd always known...
Of course she'd barely been able to admit it to herself, let alone the room full of people, team mates or not.
"Come on Rose, out with it, you'll feel better!"
Laughing Rose shot Mickey a look. Mickey of all people should know she wouldn't feel better about any of it letting it out there. Maybe Mickey of all people might've even known what it was that was eating away at her. Mickey who'd confessed to something small, insignificant really when she thought about it. Hell the whole lot of London knew what he'd been fancying lately, and even back home half the girls at school did. Confessing that was like nothing in Rose's mind.
"Sorry... I- I can't do this," Rose finally admitted as she headed for the lift to exit the building and get some air. Her finger pressed to the button shutting the doors but a hand shot out stopping them from shutting fully. Staring at her feet for the moment Rose let her gaze raise up to meet Connor straight in the eye. She'd never noticed they were so pale, that light green that for the longest time she'd assumed was blue.
The doors to the lift shut behind him as he leaned against the back rail, Rose still standing steady in the middle of the floor. She could feel him staring at her, probably the back of her head most of the time, but she was sure his gaze drifted before she tugged her jacket down to cover what she could of her rear.
"I'm sorry..."
Glancing over her shoulder as she twisted around she raised an eyebrow, "Sorry?" Rose eyed him and then laughed, "Oh you're not sorry... not in the least."
"Yeah, you're right I'm not sorry, but still doesn't excuse you from not playin' along."
Rose pulled her tongue between her teeth as her gaze steeled staring at the doors to the lift, praying they'd open sometime soon. Finally she pressed her finger to the hold button and turned around on the toe of her foot, "Maybe it doesn't, it also doesn't give anyone the right to hear something I can't even tell myself with good faith. Sayin' it out loud... makes it true, and I can't think that way. I can't let myself think that it's really true because... because if it's true then I'll never be really happy again, and I can't live my life waiting for that miracle that'll never come, making me unhappy... because I'm not out there. I can't live thinking it'll happen because I have to move on... I have to know that this that right now? This is my life now... not some fantasy of adventure and worlds.. God worlds you'd never even dream of."
Then Connor moved forward and kissed her. It wasn't unexpected really, Rose figured he'd had a reason to be in the lift, and what else would it've been than to try and shut her up, or feel her up... either or. But still his mouth was on hers and she couldn't help but feel her cheeks flush and her body warm a bit. But then he was pushing away from her and pressing the lift hold button once more letting the whirring sound of the motor spin up again.
"Didn't give me the right to do that either Rose... but I still did."
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